Jeni has been getting on my case lately about not writing, so here I am. I've been busy with life since I snagged myself the building sub job at Finneytown. I've been teaching/subbing and running around like a crazy person the rest of the time.
I wish I had eloquent words to sum up life as it is right now; that I could tell you I was at peace now that the Lord has given me a place to rest. But that wouldn't be the truth. Of course I'm never satisfied. I always said, just one thing. Pick one thing that I wish I had and then I'll be happy with one thing. Yet here I am, flitting around the high school, hanging out with high school kids without all the work after 3 o'clock, and I find myself restless and unsatisfied.
The growing discomfort of my heart is disconcerting. I'm not sure why it is I can't find rest in what He has provided. Why isn't this enough? More importantly, why wasn't He enough, that even before this job I wasn't satisfied? Why am I in a continual circle of wanting more? Maybe it's because despite my wanting of all these blessings, He is not what I'm seeking first and foremost. And he laid out that that was the order to do it in. (seek ye first the kingdom of God, yada yada.) Apparently no matter how basic He makes it and how easily he lays it out, I struggle not getting things in the order I want.
Hopefully, one day soon, I'll grow up. (because while I'm still mistaken for a middle schooler at least once a week, I am getting old) Maybe, there will come a day when I stop throwing the tantrums that I so despise from my kids, and start taking responsibility for my actions (or inactions/laziness/apathy, whatever you want to call it). Because if I followed the order correctly, I'm pretty sure He would follow through on his part of that promise. Funny thing about God, he can't go back on his word. It's just that true.
