Sometimes, I feel just like that bear. Like at the end of the day I have slammed full force into a wall. That is my exact face when crawling into bed at night; I wouldn't make it another step if I tried. Life has become a battle between me and the hours in the day.
I have found myself repeatedly in the position lately, of apologizing for, or explaining away my hardships. When I talk life with friends, they apologize or wish they could do more. I find myself saying, again and again, "it's okay. that's life." And while that statement is very true (with life inevitably comes struggle), it has very little hope. It isn't a statement that says I believe that my hope outweighs my current circumstances, because my hope is in the one true Lord. Because he has already endured and overcome everything I could even imagine going through.
Recently, with my team, we've been spending time in the word together during team meetings. I cannot think of anything more worthy of our time. In the midst of that, I feel like we've spent some time talking about struggling. (as mentioned before, it's a given in this life) And we've talked about the promise that our struggles refine us, that they teach us more about God and his character. I believe that at a ten. I've watched it happen and I've even gotten glimpses of it in my own life. But we have to submit ourselves under him in order for him to step out. I have to be looking for him; crying for him even, in the midst of my struggles. Then, regardless of whether he eases that particular struggle, he makes himself known.
Sadly, I think I have discovered a large character flaw within myself during this discovery. If I had to choose between more of him and an easy life, I might choose the easy way out. (literally) That realization has surprised me. I wouldn't have thought myself to choose such a lame thing over the God of the Universe. And yet, during rough days, when crap continues day in and day out, I ask for relief, not for a Savior. So this week, I'm going to challenge myself to ask him to be my relief; not an absence of struggle, but a Savior to walk alongside me. And since that leads to knowing him more, I'm going to attempt to pray for struggles to come. Hit me with your best shot. (never have I uttered a more terrifying phrase)
