What Now?

The waiting is over, and I still find myself with a lack of patience. I didn't get the job. I kind of want to end it there because I don't know what to say. No one does. Unfortunately, that doesn't always stop people from pretending they do, so I have had a variety of conversations which I had to stop and walk away from or hang up the phone. There is no easy answer here.

I came home from a place that I loved because I was excited to teach. I was actually excited to spend my days with high school kids. I absolutely adore them. They are so honest and vulnerable when you least expect it and they just want to experience life. I came back and was given the opportunity to pursue these kids at Finneytown. It may look different from when I was there, but those same kids are there. I sometimes sit while subbing and try and figure out who I would've hung out with. Who in the class will eventually be me?

I was astatic when I heard there would be an opening, admittedly I was disappointed it was middle school, but by the time I interviewed, I was excited about it. I had a good interview, I didn't get a rejection letter right away. And typical Mandy fashion, I started planning. I planned how my August would look, how I would decorate my classroom, when we would have to do family vacations since my spring break wouldn't line up with Mike's, what I would do in my summer off.

Now, I'm just trying to figure out where to go from here. I don't have experience and apparently that's important. Funny, because I even addressed that in my cover letter. I was very proud of that little snippet. And yet, there are no opportunities for experience. So what do I do? Wait and hope that subbing is enough experience? Because if that was really the case, I would have a job now. I am supposedly a very popular sub with good ratings. But instead, I need real experience, which is completely valid. If only there was a way for teachers to get experience so they can get hired to teach. (I apologize for the cynicism only a little. I think I'm allowed to be a little bitter, especially since this is my blog). All that being said, I'm left in a bit of a conundrum. I now either need a job or I have to go back to school to keep my license. But if I can't get a job without experience what help will keeping my license be.

More than anything, I just feel lost. I felt like this whole year had a purpose behind it. I was enduring it to get to the happy part; where my subbing and getting my foot in the door paid off with my own classroom. It's all I want. And it's the one thing that apparently I'm not going to get.