How are you really doing?

I think that it's very easy for us to get so wrapped up in the drama of our own lives to forget what is going on in other's lives. I had a very open and real conversation with a good friend the other day about some of the frustrations in her life right now. It was hard and yet almost funny to hear all of my frustrations coming out of her mouth. How isolated we each feel underneath our burdens, and yet they are the same burdens that we are carrying. Loneliness, frustrations with our jobs, not feeling "successful" (whatever that means), etc. It was as if we had never discussed these before, although I know we have.

And so in the midst of our tears, I was laughing inside at my discovery. I feel like I had some good talks recently and have accepted the truth that our sin often drives us towards feeling alone, isolated. We feel ashamed and as if we are the only ones struggling with said sin so we must stay alone in it. If we let anyone in on our "dirty little secrets" then they might see us for who we truly are; broken individuals. I feel like through my discussion the other day though, that I learned it is not just sin that drives us towards feeling isolated.

In the midst of our lives, we often feel unloved and unworthy. And for whatever reason, whether it be pride or fear, we rarely have the conversation with our friends that we feel this way. It is hard and it often feels like it will come across that we are compliment fishing. I don't want to burden a friend with the need to boost my self confidence or continually say how great I am; regardless of their belief in those statements. First off, it always comes across as forced and not genuine. Secondly, no matter how much a friend tells me that I really am great, I don't' believe them. In the same way that regardless of how people tell you you look, sometimes you just feel unattractive.

Perhaps the take away message for all of this is just that whether it be sin or pain, we were meant to be together. God created a partner for Adam so that he wasn't alone. We were created for community. So in the spirit of community, lets share our lives. And not just the every day going ons of what we are doing. How was work? Did you have a good dinner with so and so? But lets have deep, genuine conversation that probes further than what we normally ask. I don't know exactly what that looks like so I'm not sure I can give example questions. I don't think it means sitting down to lunch and asking, "Hey have you been feeling unworthy of God's love recently?" I can't imagine that conversation without giggling because I feel awkward just pretending it's happening. But maybe it just comes down to being like kolia, never breaking eye contact, and asking again after someone says they're fine. "

"How are you really doing?"